Which table would you sit at, New York Jets fans?
Yes, we’re doing it – a complete analysis of one silly post from the New York Jets‘ official Twitter account. But hey, it’s June 21, so cut me a break. Let’s have some fun while there is nothing else going on in the football world.
Hear me out, though: It’s an extremely interesting topic to debate.
On Wednesday afternoon, the Jets tweeted out their rendition of a popular internet meme in which various faces of notable people are plastered over tables in a school cafeteria. The idea is for fans to choose which table of Jets players, coaches, and icons they would want to sit at.
where you sitting? pic.twitter.com/Xq5HfuwDX0
— New York Jets (@nyjets) June 21, 2023
All 10 tables are captivating options, but only one can be deemed the best. Here is my ranking of all 10 tables based on where I would want to sit and clear my head between fifth-period Algebra and seventh-period U.S. History.
10. Table Ten (Robert Saleh, Laken Tomlinson, C.J. Mosley, Michael Carter)
First of all, let me be clear: none of these options are bad. Someone just has to be last.
Table 10 is an amazing group and I would love to talk football with them over milk cartons and hamburgers. But the main reason they get the bottom spot is they are one of only two tables in the cafeteria without a classic Jet. I’m all for the youthful energy of Table 10, but we need a veteran at the table to demand respect from the rest of the school.
Still, it would be fascinating to hear some of Saleh and Tomlinson’s old tales from San Francisco, while Carter always brings the jokes. Mosley’s penchant for speeches can get us revved up for the four-on-four basketball tournament at recess.
9. Table Nine (Quincy Williams, Wayne Chrebet, Will McDonald, Justin Hardee)
This is the table of underdogs. Chrebet and Hardee found success as undrafted free agents. Williams was waived as a former third-round pick and revived his career after latching on with the Jets. McDonald did not start playing football until late in his high school career and is now a first-round pick. The stories of inspiration would be riveting.
Surely, this table will give you the motivation you need to power through and finish that Biology project you’ve been putting off.
8. Table Two (Quinnen Williams, Mecole Hardman, Tyler Conklin, Chad Pennington)
This table gives off chill vibes. Other tables might feature some heated debates, but these guys seem like they would get along and have deep conversations about life. But Quinnen would bring the jokes to lighten the mood. It’s a well-rounded crew.
7. Table Six (Breece Hall, Micheal Clemons, Darrelle Revis, Zach Wilson)
Clemons’ quiet, stoic demeanor is a welcome change of pace in a hectic cafeteria. And when you get to know him, you realize he is actually one of the smartest kids in school. Clemons once said the three famous people that he would want to meet at a dinner party are Marcus Aurelius, Carl Jung, and Seneca. After he tells you this, you’re definitely going to want to sit next to him in your Philosophy class.
Revis is the grizzly senior of the table, telling the freshmen stories of his younger days. Between him and Clemons, there is so much knowledge to be gained for Hall and Wilson, who are the new kids on the block.
6. Table Eight (Alijah Vera-Tucker, Jermaine Johnson, Mark Sanchez, Randall Cobb)
I always enjoy watching Vera-Tucker and Johnson speak in interviews. They’re some of the most well-spoken players on the team. If I sat with them in school, I think we’d have some stimulating conversations. Sanchez and Cobb also seem like smart dudes who I would probably try to copy notes off of. As an added bonus, Sanchez sneaks hot dogs into school for the whole table.
5. Table Five (Joe Namath, Allen Lazard, Joe Tippmann, Jordan Whitehead)
Namath’s stories of the glory days would stick with me forever, and I’d be sure to write them down so I can pass them on to my grandchildren.
Tippmann is that guy who seems to be the life of every classroom he’s in. You’re kind of jealous of his charisma, but can’t help to be drawn to him just like everyone else. He can also offer some phenomenal tips for growing a mullet.
4. Table Three (Garrett Wilson, Michael Carter II, John Franklin-Myers, Curtis Martin)
I would want to sit with Wilson to hear his freestyle raps if nothing else. His bars on Sauce Gardner’s Twitch streams are the stuff of legends.
Franklin-Myers once came on the Cool Your Jets Podcast and was a blast to talk with. His football mind is tremendous. Any defensive lineman (or offensive lineman who is trying to block them) can learn a lot from him.
Martin has the secrets to longevity that everyone should covet. Carter II is an up-and-coming player with plenty of energy and outstanding football IQ – in a recent mic’d up session, Jets defensive coordinator Jeff Ulbrich told Robert Saleh that Carter II’s “eyes are elite.”
The football knowledge at this table is seemingly endless, and it’s especially enticing because it spans four very different positions. There is so much to be learned from sitting with the Table 3 crew. I’m not saying that I could be a starter in the NFL if I spent a few lunch periods with these four guys, but maybe I could use their intel to last a down or two without getting killed.
3. Table Seven (Duane Brown, Nick Mangold, Sauce Gardner, Corey Davis)
What a group. Mangold is one of the greatest offensive linemen in Jets history and a hilarious dude off the field, who loves interacting with Jets fans. Gardner is mature beyond his years with a mindset and a work ethic that anyone would want to be around. If you watch his Twitch streams, you know he is extremely funny, too.
While there’s a lot of energy to be found with Mangold and Gardner, Brown and Davis balance it out. Both guys are on the low-key side, sticking to their business and keeping the main thing the main thing. Having Brown and Davis to balance out Gardner and Davis makes this a well-rounded table to sit at. There is a good blend of energy and calmness.
2. Table One (Aaron Rodgers, Bryce Huff, Carl Lawson, Mekhi Becton)
Rodgers seems like he would be the most interesting player to talk with in the entire NFL. He’s brutally honest and deeply introspective. Sitting next to him at lunch every day would be quite the experience. Rodgers’ presence alone would vault any table to the top of the list.
Becton, Lawson, and Huff would ensure nobody picks a fight with our table. This table would easily be the odds-on favorite to win a royal rumble.
1. Table Four (Joe Douglas, C.J. Uzomah, Bart Scott, D.J. Reed)
This is the table I would choose if I could only pick one. It’s got a little bit of everything.
Douglas would provide incredible stories about what went into some of his decisions as a general manager. Uzomah seems like he might be the most fun personality on the Jets. He has a bunch of nerdy interests and I feel like we would get along very well because of it. Scott brings tenacity to the table. Reed seems like a hilarious guy from what I’ve seen in interviews, and he also seems to be an extremely positive person and an unbelievable teammate, which you always want at your lunch table.
Alright, thanks for putting up with this article. It won’t be long until football is back, folks.
Anyway… which table would you sit at?
