Making a Wish in today’s brave new world
Recently, Aaron Rodgers spoke at a psychedelics conference in Colorado where he discussed the benefits of recreational usage of specific drugs.
Enter … Ayahuasca.
Now, I’ll be honest; I’m not a big “psychedelic guy.” I had never even heard of the word Ayuaschsa until the now-New York Jets quarterback referenced his South American adventures. But once the Rodgers trade became official, I decided to look into seeing if dipping my toe into the drug game was worthwhile.
It turns out—for a myriad of reasons beyond living and dying with the professional football organization called the Jets—it just may be worth a headfirst dive into the groovy waters.
This article is mostly satirical and/or lighthearted in nature. I mean, come on ... it’s NYJ Matt and NYJ Mike, the Broadway Jets podcast . The sky wouldn't be blue and the grass green if satire wasn't the name of this specific game.
I started my Google search and immediately received the following text (spoiler: it did not deter my critical pursuit of higher knowledge):
According to the ADF, Ayahuasca can cause a person to hallucinate, see or hear things that do not exist or are distorted. Now, as someone who once watched Adam Gase run Frank Gore on second and 10 while battling COVID-19, I have experienced these side effects, and think I’ll be alright.
But I wouldn’t do it on my own. I don’t even know how to acquire Ayahuasca. Hell, as an adult male, if you asked me to acquire marijuana before it became legal, it may have taken me weeks, even months. Perhaps contacting that one kid in high school who always had it on him would be my only course of action (cough, cough … NYJ Mike).
I’m neither sick nor unwell (at least clinically speaking, that is), so including “Make a Wish” in the title may be misleading. But it would be a dream come true to have a couple of beers with Aaron Rodgers, put on some Taylor Swift, and eat a bunch of Ayahuasca.
(After conducting more research, it seems Ayahuasca is not supposed to be eaten and/or digested, but I digress … )
I know I’ll have some people concerned for my safety—family and friends reading this article, most notably. I’ll probably even get the old, “If your friend told you to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you do it?” line. And to that is to say, “Probably not.”
But if Aaron Rodgers asked me to sit in a dark room and take psychedelic drugs, you bet your ass I’m turning into a character from “Euphoria” and rolling with today’s times.
Aaron, if you’re reading this, I volunteer as tribute to travel to other countries with you and attempt these psychedelic drugs. I will allow you 24-hour access to my Twitter account for the express purpose to use it as a burner and like any anti-establishment tweets at your disposal.
All I ask is that you avoid any semblance of NFL suspension talk—for violating the league’s drug policy. After all, I’m only well in the “clinical” sense.
Rolling deep with the New York Jets for as long as I have, has me constantly teetering on the edge of the “violently high on my own natural supply” cliff.
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